Missing Pieces of the Happiness Puzzle (part 2)
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The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance,
the wise grows it under his feet.
—James Oppenheim
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Practice this and Happiness will Follow
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One thing we know for sure: you can’t be happy if you’re not alive! I’m certain we agree on that.
There is no debate about our physical survival needs. Deprived of these we will quickly die.
But what about our more vague and subtle emotional need? According to Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell, in their book the “Human Givens,” if we ignore or refuse to attend to certain emotional needs in our daily life, we may very well not feel so enthusiastic about being alive.
These needs include:
- Security and safety
- Attention (giving and receiving)
- Affection (give and receiving)
- Sense of autonomy and control
- Being part of a wider community
- Friendship and intimacy
- Status in social groupings
- Sense of competence and achievement
- Some feeling of meaning, purpose, value in life
- Enough challenge to push us to grow
To these I would like to add that each of us needs a reasonable amount of “downtime,” “me-time,” “non-demand” time other than sleeping, to do with as we wish.
It is easier to ignore these needs, to put them on the back burner while we attend to the “obligations” of our lives. And, we can get away with it…for awhile. Neglected, ignored or, more frequently, unrecognized, for any length of time and we will start getting those “Pay Now or Die” messages from our inner selves.
These messages often come in the form of what I call a “gnawing inner discontent.” Nothing is really wrong but nothing is really right either. These messages are delivered through vague aches and pains, bone-dragging weariness, insomnia or sleeping too much. They might be delivered as “panic attacks” or vague chronic uneasiness.
If you continue to ignore the messages, you may find yourself taking the next step: drinking, drugging, eating too much and of the comfort variety, spending, shopping, gambling, any and all form of addictive, compulsive behaviors. Somewhere along the line of denial we learned that these “quick fixes” will distract us and even give us a quick shot of endorphins to ease the pain. Temporarily. Very temporarily.
The caveat: as physical pain is an urgent message to attend to something potentially life-threatening, emotional pain is not so immediate, precise or easily discovered.
Remember the quote from Henry David Thoreau: ”The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Did it ever occur to you that he might have been speaking of you…or me?
If any of these words hit a tender spot in you, you might want to do a scan or your own inner landscape. Learn to take your own pulse. When you feel these signs of unease, ask yourself: ”What is it that I need right now?” And for God’s sake, take yourself seriously.
What are some specific signs and symptoms? Tune in for part 3 of Keys to Happiness.
In the meantime, a wise mentor and/or hypnotherapy can help.
Here’s to your success.
Susan French
877-583-2026
http://www.hypno4success.com
Tags: addiction, alcoholism, contentment, discontent, eating disorders, emotional needs, happiness, inner peace though hypnotherapy, overeating
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