Words Can Hurt

          Did anyone ever recite that little ditty when someone had called you a name or said something unpleasant about you?  Do you recall that it was NOT very comforting?  Not only is it not comforting but it is also NOT TRUE.

          The Truth is that bones almost always heal but words can leave a lifelong psychic scar. Why? Because the message to the victim is this: we, your peers, see you as worthless, pathetic, stupid, ugly, an idiot, a fool, a lesser being than the rest of us. The intention of the perpetrator is to humiliate, dominate, and bring the victim to despair and powerless rage.  Pretty mean. It makes me think of “The Lord of the Flies.”

          Words ARE just words though, aren’t they?  In fact, we can often say the same words in light-hearted teasing and the recipient will perceive then as being “not really meant, no threat, just kidding.” So then, what is the difference?

           The difference is in the ‘perceived intent of the speaker’ by the recipient. As receivers, we are always subconsciously assessing messages for intent. When someone says something unkind to another (and means it), the intention carries with it a menacing and distancing message. The message: “you are no longer an acceptable member and are, therefore, ousted from our group.”

          An extreme example of this hurtful distancing behavior is a practice known as “shunning.” “Shunning” is a practice used by some societal groups for punishment and control.  If a member of the group is cast out, he is considered to be “dead” to the rest of the group, including family members. Contact is often forbidden for the duration of the shunned person’s life.

          Studies of “shunning” suggest that the practice is said to cause grave and devastating effects on those involved. It is considered to be a form of psychological torture. The same might be said of the practice of “solitary confinement.”

          The question becomes: why should it matter what others think? The answer lies in the fact that we humans have evolved into “herd” creatures. The humans who banded together and survived,  propagated. The quotation “No man is an island” speaks to that idea.

          This “herd animal” factor is hard-wired into us: any threat to our connection with our “herd,” “tribe” or “society,” sets off a limbic-system driven “fight-flight-or-freeze” response.

           It is easy to see how hurtful words can have monumental impact on the receiver. If you have any doubt, however, please read the letter posted below, taken from the relevant and timely book entitled “The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander” by Barbara Coloroso.

BREAKING THE CYCLE

“I shall remember forever and will never forget

Monday: my money was taken

Tuesday: names were called

Wednesday: my uniform was torn

Thursday: my body pouring with blood

Friday: it’s ended

Saturday: freedom”

This is the final diary page of thirteen-year-old Vijay Singh.  He was found hanging from the banister rail at home on Sunday.

From the book “Bullycide, Death at Playtime: An Expose’ of Child Suicide Caused by Bullying,” by Neil Marr and Tim Field.

“Words can never hurt me?” Maybe it’s time to rethink that idea. If words from the past still taunt you, hypnosis can help.

Here’s to your success…

Susan French

888-333-3688

http://www.hypno4success.com

Is there a link between courage and mental health?

What is mental health anyway?  Mental health is, at least in part, the result of having the courage to be true to yourself.

What does it mean “To thine  own self be true”?  Let’s take a look.
1.  Being true to yourself means speaking up when necessary or appropriate.

2.  Being true to yourself is choosing only action which allows you to be comfortable in your own skin.

3.  Being true to yourself means knowing your boundaries and defending them when necessary.

4.  Being true to yourself requires integrity: the concept of matching words and deeds.

5.  Being true to yourself means that you take your own mental/emotional “pulse” frequently; you check in with yourself, first, last and always.

Take a moment to think about how you feel when you don’t assert yourself or speak up in behalf of another: when you don’t “use your words” as they say in kindergarten.  If you are being true to yourself, you will notice that you feel guilty, ashamed and angry.

What about not knowing your boundaries and then not defending them?  How do you feel when you don’t follow through?  Guilty, ashamed and angry.

How about when your words don’t match your deeds?  Guilty, ashamed and angry.

And then, there is forgetting to check in with yourself before you say yes, I will, it’s fine, no problem.  Guilty, ashamed and angry.

For most of us, learning to be true to ourselves means finding the courage to move past the fear of rejection by other people.  People pleasing should be listed as a mental disorder in the DSM-IV.  People pleasing seriously hampers your mental (and often physical) health.  Why?  Because you put others opinions, needs, wants before your own.  And you pay a dear price for taking this seemingly easier path.

After all, don’t you count too?  The only person who can really know what you need and make sure that you get what you need is you.

Perhaps it’s time to move your name from the bottom of the list, no matter how uncomfortable you might feel in doing so, and putting yourself at the top.

Join the party of life.  According to Auntie Mame, “Life is a banquet and most poor fools are starving to death.”

Courage? Everybody needs it, but how do you get it, especially when you’re like the lion before he discovered the Wizard of Oz?.

You feel the fear and do it anyway.   Its alright to be afraid for it is a human emotion.

“He who faces no calamity will need no courage.”

“Calm seas do not a good sailor make.”

Mental fitness and courage are inseparable for coping with both adversity and success.

Say to yourself: “I will accept whatever comes my way with dignity and courage but I must be true to myself.”

As you approach the moment of the challenge fear rises up in your throat but you keep going.  Fear gives way to courage and an inner strength propels you forward.  You feel a little taller, a little stronger, a little more invincible.  You have slayed the dragon.  You have triumphed.  One small step inevitably leads to the next.

You may not remember learning how to walk, but you know you fell hundreds of times before you stood on your own.

Here are some other wise words about courage:

Alan Cohen : It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.

Baltasar Gracian : Without courage, wisdom bears no fruit.

Clare Booth Luce : Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount.

Eleanor Roosevelt : You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Erich Fromm:  Conscience is the root of all true courage; if a man would be brave let him obey his

If you’re finding it too hard to do alone,  let me help you.  877-583-2026.

Susan

www.hypno4success.com