Sticks and Stones
Saturday, August 20th, 2011
Words Can Hurt
Did anyone ever recite that little ditty when someone had called you a name or said something unpleasant about you? Do you recall that it was NOT very comforting? Not only is it not comforting but it is also NOT TRUE.
The Truth is that bones almost always heal but words can leave a lifelong psychic scar. Why? Because the message to the victim is this: we, your peers, see you as worthless, pathetic, stupid, ugly, an idiot, a fool, a lesser being than the rest of us. The intention of the perpetrator is to humiliate, dominate, and bring the victim to despair and powerless rage. Pretty mean. It makes me think of “The Lord of the Flies.”
Words ARE just words though, aren’t they? In fact, we can often say the same words in light-hearted teasing and the recipient will perceive then as being “not really meant, no threat, just kidding.” So then, what is the difference?
The difference is in the ‘perceived intent of the speaker’ by the recipient. As receivers, we are always subconsciously assessing messages for intent. When someone says something unkind to another (and means it), the intention carries with it a menacing and distancing message. The message: “you are no longer an acceptable member and are, therefore, ousted from our group.”
An extreme example of this hurtful distancing behavior is a practice known as “shunning.” “Shunning” is a practice used by some societal groups for punishment and control. If a member of the group is cast out, he is considered to be “dead” to the rest of the group, including family members. Contact is often forbidden for the duration of the shunned person’s life.
Studies of “shunning” suggest that the practice is said to cause grave and devastating effects on those involved. It is considered to be a form of psychological torture. The same might be said of the practice of “solitary confinement.”
The question becomes: why should it matter what others think? The answer lies in the fact that we humans have evolved into “herd” creatures. The humans who banded together and survived, propagated. The quotation “No man is an island” speaks to that idea.
This “herd animal” factor is hard-wired into us: any threat to our connection with our “herd,” “tribe” or “society,” sets off a limbic-system driven “fight-flight-or-freeze” response.
It is easy to see how hurtful words can have monumental impact on the receiver. If you have any doubt, however, please read the letter posted below, taken from the relevant and timely book entitled “The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander” by Barbara Coloroso.
BREAKING THE CYCLE
“I shall remember forever and will never forget
Monday: my money was taken
Tuesday: names were called
Wednesday: my uniform was torn
Thursday: my body pouring with blood
Friday: it’s ended
Saturday: freedom”
This is the final diary page of thirteen-year-old Vijay Singh. He was found hanging from the banister rail at home on Sunday.
From the book “Bullycide, Death at Playtime: An Expose’ of Child Suicide Caused by Bullying,” by Neil Marr and Tim Field.
“Words can never hurt me?” Maybe it’s time to rethink that idea. If words from the past still taunt you, hypnosis can help.
Here’s to your success…
Susan French
888-333-3688
http://www.hypno4success.com
