NOTABLE QUOTABLE

“When you’re feeling terrific, notify your face.” -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

OR

“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” -Benjamin Franklin

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Top or Bottom -- You Figure it Out

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Herein lies the great dichotomy, the constant double-message, splitting our opinions, especially of ourselves. I thought it ironic that the above quotes followed one after the other. For a moment or two I felt like making an endless filmloop out of them.

This internal divide becomes more acute at Holiday time, doesn’t it? Holidays are supposed to be about taking time to show special love to the special people in our lives. Aren’t they? However, as the Holidays trudge closer to P-day (“Present Day”) though, my inner vision becomes one of two giant stallions tethered on either side of a poor, beset, struggling, guilt-ridden, trying-not-to-to-be-broke-and-exhausted person. It’s truly a gruesome sight.

The Stallion of “Love Everyone Else First” starts to snort and stamp. The Stallion of “Aren’t-I- Somewhere-on-this-Love-List-Too?” begins to pull. “And here lies Julian Grey. He had the right of way” (this dumb little ditty from high-school driver’s ed begins to echo in my ears).

I have a deeply-held resentment against any philosophy that tauts love others but doesn’t include the Most Important Person on that list as well. In my life, my most treasured resource is myself. “If Momma Ain’t Happy, Ain’t No-Body Happy!” I like to growl menacingly.

But the truth is, sometimes I’m going to throw plastic bottles in with the rest of the trash…because I truly don’t have the wherewithal to walk outside to the Recycle Bin. The truth is, there are many times, (in fact, most of the time) when I go grocery shopping, I refuse to trot politely back to where the carts are stored and put them away. Yes, and I, too, often leave my socks on the floor, even though I’m the one who has to pick them up eventually.

And why, you might ask? Because I realized awhile back, that the greatest resource I had was myself. My stamina. My energy. My good-will. And, I realized, that I was not qoing to squander it on nonsense.

Nonsense to me is pretendng to be better than someone else. Trying to be more righteous, more pure, more polite, more considerate, more perfect.

Nonsense to me also is forgetting that I get to be on that damned list too. I get to up there at the top. Not instead of, but also. I matter too. My wallet, my feet, my back, my limited tolerance to chaos and crowds. They all count too.

Some may think me crass. A spoilsport. Un-Holy. A Bah-hum person. But no. Think again. This is an important consideration. It is my fervent belief and observation that people are healthy, happier and have the most wonderful, booming self-esteem, when they remember to put themselves on that list. And at the top of that list, at that!

Yeah or Nay, folks? Feel free to comment. I love to hear everyone’s thoughts. Just as long as I remember that mine is the most important one…to Me. Happy Holidays. Happy New Year. Happy Living.

Here’s to your success…(and mine),

Susan French

http://www.hypno4success.com

Please feel free to comment, suggest, ask questions, or even make snarky remarks.  If anyone wants to email me privately as susanfrench2010@gmail.com .

NOTABLE QUOTABLE

(out of the mouths of the Peanuts…)

Sally Brown:  ”What’s the matter, big brother? “

Charlie Brown: ” We’ve got ANOTHER holiday to worry about. It seems Thanksgiving Day is upon us. ” Sally Brown:  ”I haven’t even finished eating all of my Halloween candy.”

Movie: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (TV)

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone How do you do around the holidays? Do you find yourself cheery, upbeat, energetic and excited?   Or do find yourself feeling stressed-out, anxious, depressed, fatigued and grumpy?  Do you notice yourself hunching your shoulders, worrying about money, who to gift and how much to spend?   Do you fear the omnipresent gooey, tempting food and drink and the five to ten pounds you’re probably going to gain?

I think it is a fair assumption that most people experience negative feelings than they might prefer.   And doesn’t it really start at Halloween with swiping your kids candy stash,just  as the cold weather begins to bite?

Well, I don’t know about you, but that’s definitely what happens to me. I begin to unconsciously cringe, crab at people and I start the cold sweats and bad dreams. What’s going on and what can we do to ease up and chill?

Many people have varying degrees of SAD (Seasonally Affective Disorder).   SAD is a seasonal disorder that makes suffers feel depressed for no reason.  SAD symptoms can be eased by using a special lightbox that offsets the increase in darkness and cold.  Lightboxes can be a Godsend.

It’s been discovered that many of us have a Vitamin D deficiency, especially in the winter when we don’t get much sunlight. Vitamin D deficiencies can make us cold, achy, hungry, depressed, anxious, cranky, among many other symtoms. You have to be careful with Vitamin D, though.   Your doctor needs to test your blood.   Too much Vitamin D via supplementation can be toxic. A cautionary note.

Though I can only speak  for myself, but I know I have lots of good company. The perceived need for a lot of extra money, energy expenditure, and rampant expectations of myself and life in general wipe me out before it’s even Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving is like the murky tolling of a death knell.  Black Friday indeed.

I start figuring out money, when to shop, who to shop for,  and what in God’s name to give everyone.  My shoulders hunch more; my chin disappears into my chest. I feel victimized and overwhelmed. It only comes once a year, thank goodness.   Bah humbug starts to leak into my attitude no matter how hard I try.

I could easily go from Halloween to after New Year’s DAY (and my birthday two days later) without passing “GO” or collecting $200. Right straight from October 31ist to January 4th.  Nothing would make me happier.  Really!  I mean, I can buy myself the wrong style, color and size for way too much money.  I don’t need help.

Somehow, the Holidays DO come once a year whether I like it or not. They come and they pass, no matter what.   Somehow everything gets done that needs to get done, no matter what.  And believe me, I can’t wait for January 4th.

So what to do, what to do? Little by little each year I get a little wiser.  Let me share.   Maybe my discoveries will help you cope with the downside of the Holiday season.

I take Vitamin D and calcium and get as much sunlight as I can. Ditto: Vitamin C, Vitamin A (fish oil only), and a variety of immune boosters.  I make sure that I can stay warm.  Being cold has never sweetened my disposition, so I’ve learned to prepare.   I don’t mind my nose being cold, but THAT’S ALL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I let everything in my normal daily life go as much as I can. My room gets messy(ier).  My car gets dirty. My laundry piles up. Sometimes even my bills are late.   I try to think of  The Holidays as a mini-vacation (more like forced, unpaid leave if you ask me, but whatever.   I try not to eat too much junk but I don’t harass myself if I indulge.

I lower my expectations of myself, others and life in general as much as possible.. I try to factor in the traffic and crowds and flu.   And I breathe…deeply… and frequently. I love the music and the lights and the spirit of giving and excitement, so I focus on that as much as I can. I leave as much empty space in my life as I can manage.

I had a lightbulb moment a few years ago that has helped me a lot. I suddenly realized that December 25th (I celebrate Christmas, even though I’m quasi-Jewish) will come right on time, no matter what. I can’t avoid it, delay it, or ignore it. It comes, whether I’m ready or not. So I accept that going in. Whatever doesn’t get done by December 24th…no one dies. It comes, it passes and it’s over. I get done what I can but I try to pace myself and not move heaven and earth to make this the “best Christmas ever.”

Year after year, no matter whether I was ready or not, December 25th came and went. After it was all done, everyone is exhausted, broke and can’t remember what was supposed to get done but didn’t. Boxing day (December 26th) finds most people  I know, whether they celebrate Boxing Day or not, lounging in their jammies,  laying around watching dumb old TV, eating and drinking whatever’s left over. Maybe we try to make up for all of our crushing disappointments by hitting the after Christmas sales.

Whew! It seems as if we all heave a humongous GROUP SIGH.  It’s over for one more year, one more time. So, take it from an old hand. Stay warm. Rest as much as possible.  Plan on listening to your car radio…a lot.  Get as much sunlight as possible. Take vitamins. Try to stay as much on the track of normal living, but do as little as is humanly possible. I try to eat right but I enjoy the eggnog, holiday cookies and accept my broken check book for what it is.

And guess what? No matter what, December 25th comes and then goes. I’ve enjoyed my friends and family. I really enjoy my feeble attempt to take my Holidays in stride, leaving as much as I can  until tomorrow, or, preferably. the day after. No one dies and the sky doesn’t fall.

I know that my checkbook will get fixed, I’ll catch up on my sleep, all the wrappings will get onto the boxes and then into the trash.  I mean, think about it: isn’t it true?   Even the tree will come down sometime before June.   I stock up on a gazillion movies and pizza and leftovers.  I OD on a gazillion movies between December 25th (or whatever day your holiday begins) and January 1st,  getting out of bed to go to the bathroom and get more cold pizza.

You know what.  It seems to work. Try it.   Maybe it will help you enjoy the holidays with a little less stress and a lot more chill.   Before you know it, it’s January 2nd, no matter what. For me, it’s January 4th, the day after my birthday that my family really has no heart for… but they muster through  like the troopers they are.

I spend a lot of time listening to holiday music and gawking dreamily at the lights. (So shoot me,  I love holiday music). Its free and it takes no energy whatsoever to listen and look. I eat a little chocolate. Drink a little eggnog. The gym will be there after the first week in January.  I’ve already ordered three months of Nutrisystem.  The cost and taste of  that alone is motivating, trust me.

And then, before I catch my breath, guess what? It’s Valentine’s Day. LOL. And the beat goes on, doesn’t it? My ideas may all sound dark and pessimistic and miserable but they work for me. I hope that some of them work for you. After all, it’s only Thanksgiving, isn’t it?

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.   Happy Black Friday.   Start the countdown. You’ll make it.   I promise.

Here’s to your success…

Susan French

www.hypno4success.com

NOTABLE QUOTABLE

[Addiction's] not about placating the bad dog – it’s about feeding the good dog.

You still have to feed the bad dog, but only enough so that the ASPCA doesn’t bring you up on charges.

Robert Downey Jr.,  Entertainment Weekly, 11-21-08

Addicted? Can't stop? Try Hypnotherapy. It Work!

Clients come to me all the time for help in ending an addiction that they can’t shake on their own. Hypnotherapy helps in a number of specific ways to ease the discomfort of breaking an addiction as well as preventing relapse. We’ll look at those in a moment but first let’s take a look at the definition of the word “addiction.”

MERRIAM-WEBSTER

Ad.dic.tion (noun)

1. Quality or state of being addicted.

2. Compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal;broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

Examples of ADDICTION

He has a drug addiction.

His life has been ruined by heroin addiction.

He devotes his summers to his surfing addiction.

Let me paraphrase. An addiction is a behavior characterized by the inability to stop the behavior without discomfort.

My first question to a person who seeks to be free of an “addiction” is: “What do you fear the most about quitting?” The reason I ask this first is because most people who are “addicted” to anything want to stop. Whether the “drug of choice” is nicotine, heroin, cocaine, crack, meth, overeating, sugar addiction, gambling the one constant is the fact that withholding of the substance causes discomfort.

The biggest obstacle to ending any addiction is dealing with the initial discomfort that follows interrupting the habit.

In fact, the biggest obstacle to ending any addiction is in FACING THE FEAR OF THE DISCOMFORT that follows any attempt to withhold or restrict the behavior.

Why pick these points? A habit is not an addiction. It’s a habit. What’s the difference? When you begin to change a habit you don’t have a gut-wrenching drive to continue it because the result of changing it doesn’t cause pain.

Try wearing your watch on the opposite hand than you usually use. It might be a little annoying but you won’t experience “withdrawal.” Therefore, wearing your watch on a different wrist is not an addiction; it’s a habit. Both physical and emotional withdrawal from an “addiction” are experienced as painful and, more importantly, intolerable.

A little off-topic but relevant is what I ask of clients who are in pain and accused (often unfairly) of being “addicted” to painkillers. My question to them: “Are you addicted to painkillers or are you addicted to being free of pain?” “Judge not lest you be judged” or something like that. Relief often floods their faces when I ask that. “Yes, you’re right. I’m ‘addicted’ to being painfree.”

Herein lies the real issue people deal with when attempting to end an addiction. By its very nature, when you withhold or withdraw the use of the substance, whatever it might be, the individual experiences mental, emotional and/or physical pain.

It is essential to helping an addict out of bondage is to help him to recognize, acknowledge and ease or eliminate this “pain” as well as eliminating his “anticipatory fear of the pain.”

Hypnosis is an accepted technique for relieving pain. When someone comes to me for help in relieving their addiction, the first thing I do is to eliminate both the actual “pain” as well as the fear of the perceived or anticipated “pain” that this person believes will follow his being separated from his “drug of choice.”

Certainly there many other issues involved in ending addiction, such as discovering the unsatisfied emotional need that drives the need to escape, relieve stress, learn coping techiniques, find joy and peace in one’s life without the substance.

However, I find that the very first thing that I need to do is give the client relief from that pain, whether the “pain” is experienced as physical or emotional. And to give them relief from their “anticipatory fear of the pain.”

Hypnosis itself provides easy relief from both pain and the fear of pain. We know that as a proven fact. Once the “pain” is addressed, the addict is then free to explore and discover the driving forces that made him seek out his addiction in the first place.

If you are struggling with an addiction or compulsion and finding that you cannot stop on your own, please consider using hypnosis to ease the pain, discomfort, and fear that stands in your way.

Unhappy? Maybe it’s too much small talk
Posted: 11:27 AM ET
By Elizabeth Landau
CNNHealth.com Writer-Producer

No talk? Small talk? Real talk is necessary for happiness and feelings of connection.

Small talk is part of everyday life, but it’s the substantial, meaningful conversations that may make you happy. That’s one possibility suggested in a new study examining how conversation connects to happiness.

Researchers, led by Matthias Mehl at the University of Arizona, looked at the different types of conversation that happy and unhappy people participate in. The study, published in the journal Psychological Science, was somewhat small, involving 79 undergraduates, but meshes well with established ideas that happiness and social life are intertwined.

Experts found that the happiest people in the study engaged in only one-third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants. Happy people tended to have twice as many substantive conversations, and spent 25 percent less time alone, than the unhappiest participants.

These insights fit with what psychologists have seen previously: that loneliness predicts depression, and that feelings of social connectedness are important for happiness, said Susan Turk Charles, psychologist at the University of California, Irvine, who was not involved in the study.

Substantive conversations create a feeling of belonging that leads to happiness, she said. Conversely, people who suffer from depression tend to withdraw from others.

The method that the researchers used was creative, Charles said. Instead of bringing people into a lab, as traditionally done in these sorts of studies, they had participants wear a recording device for four days, picking up conversations that they had.

The Electronically Activated Recorder sampled 30 seconds of sound every 12.5 minutes, giving researchers a broad range of conversations to examine in terms of “small talk” vs. “deep conversation.”

The bottom line is that maintaining friendships can help with emotional well-being. Friends buffer negative events and provide support, Charles said. Don’t be too busy to have a meaningful conversation, she said.

“It really is important in your life. It should be something that you prioritize just as much as you prioritize, maybe, working on your career or getting that project finished,” she said.

Editor’s Note: Medical news is a popular but sensitive subject rooted in science. We receive many comments on this blog each day; not all are posted. Our hope is that much will be learned from the sharing of useful information and personal experiences based on the medical and health topics of the blog. We encourage you to focus your comments on those medical and health topics and we appreciate your input. Thank you for your participation.

Posted by: Elizabeth Landau – CNN.com Health Writer/Producer
Filed under: Psychology

The human need for feelings of meaningful connection are recognized by Abraham Mazlow in his “Hierarchy of Needs,” Joe Griffin and Ian Tyrrell in the work on the “Human Givens,” and probably throughout history.

I’ve always noticed how nervous I get when I’m stuck in a situation where people are going to talk about “kids and crabgrass” or “Dancing With The Stars” and the latest “Survivor” series.

How about you? Do you ever feel lonliest in a crowd? It sounds like it is a natural human response. On the other hand, if social phobia holds you back, hypnotherapy can help.

Here’s to your success….

Susan French
www.hypno4success.com/blog
hypno4success@socal.rr.com
877-583-2026

Please remember: your comments are valued.  Please make them.  SKF

A man lost in thought.

Anyone who knows me knows that I use the phrase “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” a lot. I like it because it reminds me (so I remind my friends, family and clients), that every day you get a do-over, you can start fresh.

Anyone who know me knows that I also use the phrase “There is no reality, only perception” a lot. It reminds me (so I remind my friends, family and clients) that every time I find a new perspective (therefore new perception) my entire life changes for the better…exponentially.

I have also come to realize that my life’s wisdom often presents itself in the best turn of phrase I can remember on any subject at any given moment. “One day at a time” serves me well and serves me well often. “Let me sleep on it” is another. I LOVE quotes, especially the ones that make me laugh.

In fact, I just created a new one that I really like: “if you want to know what’s wrong with your children, look in the mirror.”

It was natural that “Today is a New Yesterday” struck me. Because these little cliches, these little thought-bytes, are what rescue me in real-time. These little thought-bytes guide my day without much conscious awareness. Their real value is that they bring me smack back into the present, which is where ease of living (often called happiness) is usually found.

“Today is a New Yesterday” is like that. It seems like an advanced version of “How you live today is how you create your tomorrow’s.” Because it reminds me that everything I do in my life is woven indelibly into the tapestry of my life. It is like a blog entry or forum comment that will live forever in viral cyberspace, forever to haunt me if I make a lapse in judgement.

My tapestry is made up of many things: things I’m proud of, things I regret, things I wish I had done differently. “Today is a New Yesterday” is my new cliche reminder that my choices today, in the present, more importantly, in this present moment, matter more than I realise.

In 12-Step philosophy, a great source of many of my cliche’s, there is a saying that goes like this “…and you clean up the wreckage of your past…” That thought always leads me to my own version: “I’m a happy camper if I can manage not to be creating the wreckage of my future.”

Sometimes it’s good to peek at the future before making a choice that will live forever in your tapestry. Yes, I think “Today is a new yesterday” might be a keeper.

If you find yourself having a hard time creating satisfying yesterdays, call me and let me help.

Susan

www.hypno4success.com

877-583-2026

Stress is a part of living.  Even good stress takes its toll on the being and the body.  However, chronic and extreme stress can kill you…and often does.

Stress can result from over-work or challenging work situations and relationship conflicts. This may be viewed as a result of lifes demands, pleasant or unpleasant, and your difficulty in meeting them.

Stress causes both psychological and physiological symptoms. It is important to get stress under control so as to avoid long-term physical damage to your body.

According the work of Hans Selye, major contributor to our information about stress and illness, any event that disrupts your homeostasis affects us as a stressor whether it is dis-stress (bad stress, as in getting sick) or eustress (good stress, as in going on vacation).

Selye’s clinical research showed that if one’s stress quotient exceeded a specific number (around 300 according to his scale), that it was a fairly precise predictor of the onset of major illness within 18 months.

Three ways to diffuse stressors in your life and help your mind and body to return to calmness an d objectivity before you make it worse.

1.  STOP  Walk away, disconnect, take a break, a walk, a workout or even a nap.

2.  Do self-hypnosis, relaxation, or meditation to reduce physiological effects of stress before you decide what to do about the stressful situation.

3.  Try to see at your situation as if you were viewing strangers having the same situation to gain objectivity.

Other physicians doing similar research came to similar conclusions.   I frequently refer patients to hypnotherapists because I have seen it produce excellent results in many illnesses   – Andrew Weil M D clinical professor of medicine at the University of Arizona and director of its Program in Integrative Medicine.
Herbert Benson, M D, of Harvard Medical and author of The Relaxation Response, comes to similar conclusions.  While you will never find “Chronic, Overwhelming Stress” listed as the Cause of Death, stress is our number one killer without doubt.

Hypnosis, hypnotherapy and training in self-hypnosis are listed as one of the primary suggested treatment for reducing stress and therefore illness.

Don’t you owe it to yourself?  Call today for a free consultation.  877-583-2026.

Susan French
www.hypno4success.com

Comments and questions are welcomed!  Susan