Unhappy? Maybe it’s too much small talk
Posted: 11:27 AM ET
By Elizabeth Landau
CNNHealth.com Writer-Producer

No talk? Small talk? Real talk is necessary for happiness and feelings of connection.

Small talk is part of everyday life, but it’s the substantial, meaningful conversations that may make you happy. That’s one possibility suggested in a new study examining how conversation connects to happiness.

Researchers, led by Matthias Mehl at the University of Arizona, looked at the different types of conversation that happy and unhappy people participate in. The study, published in the journal Psychological Science, was somewhat small, involving 79 undergraduates, but meshes well with established ideas that happiness and social life are intertwined.

Experts found that the happiest people in the study engaged in only one-third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants. Happy people tended to have twice as many substantive conversations, and spent 25 percent less time alone, than the unhappiest participants.

These insights fit with what psychologists have seen previously: that loneliness predicts depression, and that feelings of social connectedness are important for happiness, said Susan Turk Charles, psychologist at the University of California, Irvine, who was not involved in the study.

Substantive conversations create a feeling of belonging that leads to happiness, she said. Conversely, people who suffer from depression tend to withdraw from others.

The method that the researchers used was creative, Charles said. Instead of bringing people into a lab, as traditionally done in these sorts of studies, they had participants wear a recording device for four days, picking up conversations that they had.

The Electronically Activated Recorder sampled 30 seconds of sound every 12.5 minutes, giving researchers a broad range of conversations to examine in terms of “small talk” vs. “deep conversation.”

The bottom line is that maintaining friendships can help with emotional well-being. Friends buffer negative events and provide support, Charles said. Don’t be too busy to have a meaningful conversation, she said.

“It really is important in your life. It should be something that you prioritize just as much as you prioritize, maybe, working on your career or getting that project finished,” she said.

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Posted by: Elizabeth Landau – CNN.com Health Writer/Producer
Filed under: Psychology

The human need for feelings of meaningful connection are recognized by Abraham Mazlow in his “Hierarchy of Needs,” Joe Griffin and Ian Tyrrell in the work on the “Human Givens,” and probably throughout history.

I’ve always noticed how nervous I get when I’m stuck in a situation where people are going to talk about “kids and crabgrass” or “Dancing With The Stars” and the latest “Survivor” series.

How about you? Do you ever feel lonliest in a crowd? It sounds like it is a natural human response. On the other hand, if social phobia holds you back, hypnotherapy can help.

Here’s to your success….

Susan French
www.hypno4success.com/blog
hypno4success@socal.rr.com
877-583-2026

Please remember: your comments are valued.  Please make them.  SKF

As an esteemed colleague of mine once said of patients/clients: “laughter is a sign that healing has begun.” It’s so very true.

Norman Cousins is probably our best known example of this Truth. Norman Cousins (June 24, 1915 – November 30, 1990) was an American political journalist, author, professor, and world peace advocate.

At age 11, he was misdiagnosed with tuberculosis and placed in a sanatorium. Despite this, he was an athletic young man, displaying early on the optimistic character that ultimately gave him years of life, long past the “expiration date” given
to him by his doctors.

It was as a professor at UCLA, where he did research on the biochemistry of human emotions, that led him to his belief that positive emotions held the key to healing.

He wrote a collection of best-selling non-fiction books on illness and healing, as well as a 1980 autobiographical memoir, Human Options: An Autobiographical Notebook.

Late in life Cousins the diagnosis was changed to ankylosing spondylitis (AS), a form of crippling arthritis. Though it was later speculated that he actually had reactive arthritis instead, but the result was the same: chronic debilitating pain and disability.

His struggle with this illness is detailed in the book and movie “Anatomy of an Illness,” about illness as perceived by the patient: reflections on healing and regeneration.

Told that he had little chance of surviving Cousins developed his own recovery program incorporating megadoses of Vitamin C, along with a positive attitude, love, faith, hope, and laughter induced by Marx Brothers

It was this belief that allowed him to fight the ravages of his illnesses, even his later diagnosed heart disease. He fought both by taking massive doses of Vitamin C and,
according to him, by training himself to laugh.

Taking his own advice, he prescribed for himself a program of laughter daily: “I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep,” he reported.

“When the pain-killing effect of the laughter wore off, we would switch on the motion picture projector again and not infrequently, it would lead to another pain-free interval.”

He died of heart failure on November of 1990, having survived years longer than his doctors predicted: 10 years after his first heart attack, 26 years after his collagen illness, and 36 years after his doctors first diagnosed his heart disease.

He proved his theory by being his own best doctor, leaving us a legacy that proves that “laughter really is our best medicine.”

Medical science has come a long way since then, proving more and more completely that our bodies follow the pictures, attitudes and emotions in our minds. Of course, there is no better way to utilize these ideas than with hypnotherapy.

If you’re struggling with illness in any form, hypnosis provides a sturdy vehicle for wellness.

Here’s to your success…

Susan French

http://www.hypno4success.com

Boost your optimism score

Hard to remember when you’re facing a bump in the road or a temporary setback.  Clinical research has shown that attitude and optimism are a far better indicator of success than any other qualities.  Martin Seligman (“Learned Optimism”) did major studies of this phenomenon.

When I stumble in life, particular on an important project, I give myself five to fifteen minutes to sit in the  corner and suck my thumb.  ”I pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over ” as the song goes.

I have a personal saying for times like these: “You might  get me down but you can’t keep me down.”  This is directed at the obstacle, the driver of the obstacle or God/Higher Power and sometimes just at the Outer Darkness.

You haven’t failed until you breathed your  last breath, and even then you haven’t failed because you were almost there.  You just didn’t know it.

If you are having difficulties falling into depression, lethargy, the “I don’t wanna’s,” being your own worst critic, a few sessions of ego-strengthening through hypnotherapy can help.

To your success…

Susan

www.hypno4success.com