Becoming Ugly May Be The Answer When Anxiety Becomes Too Much
"I've worked very hard at understanding myself, learning to be assertive. I'm past the point where I worry about people liking me." - Pam Dawber
My blog posts are intended to reach you and teach you. This blog post is a little different. It is also written for me… and all women.
Women suffer from more depression and anxiety than men. In fact, adaa.org reports that between puberty and the age of 50, women suffer from anxiety disorders 2x more than men.
Why do women struggle more? Is it our hormones? Or something else? I believe it is something else. For far too long, female hormones have been the scapegoat to hide what is really going on.
I would be extremely wealthy if I had a dime every time I heard a male (and even female) blame a woman’s behavior on PMS. There is more that is going on. PMS may just be the catalyst that lets out the ugly we try so hard to hide.
I read an article on Jezebel, written by Madeleine Davies. I could have written that article. Every woman I know could have written that article. The article is titled simply, Becoming Ugly.
Avoiding Becoming Unattractive Leads To Constant Anxiety
This is not an article on how women grow up being objectified. We have. It’s damaging. It’s also the reality of the world we live in. This is more about what happens when we break out of the stereotype.
Madeleine writes, "It’s strange that until recently, domestic literature is seen as dull and boring compared to tales of male adventure, especially when a woman’s life, beginning to end, is filled with violence.
We’re born, we learn to be afraid, learn to be looked at, learn to be quiet, we bleed, we give birth, we age, we’re forgotten, and then we die. So much of what we encounter—marriage, raising children—is meant to hold us painfully still."
Repeatedly touched inappropriately by a male friend, Madeleine recounts a story from when she was 14 years old. Far too long she put up with it, trying to be one of the group while everyone laughed. She faked a smile and an empty attempt at laughing just to be a good girl.
One day, she cracked. She punched the boy in the place that we, as females, are told to never hit. No one laughed when he was brought to his knees. She was called explicit names and was told never to hit a boy there… that it was crossing a line.
Think about these stressful situations:
• How many times has a male crossed the line with you?
• When have you had inappropriate and unwelcome things said to you?
• Have you been stared at and followed?
• What about being touched inappropriately?
• Has a man tried pursuing you after you said no?
• How many times have you been afraid?
• Do you know the phrases boys will be boys?
• Are there times you accepted bad behavior?
• Maybe been blamed for not accepting bad behavior or called a name?
• Have you remained silent or laughed along because you wanted to avoid being scared or terrorized?
I can probably answer this for you... too much. You've dealt with too many of these situations.
When a woman sticks up for herself or her happiness, she is called names and labeled a bad woman. We are quickly and easily cast aside. And then left to deal with it all over again in another situation.
We go from being wanted to being repulsive when we break our silence. It happens in a blink of an eye. This is the shadow we live under. This shadow gives us chronic anxiety.
Anxiety Is A Result Of Our Scars
For some women, the scars are too disfiguring to pretend to laugh at. But every woman has scars. The scars give us anxiety and depression at a whole new level.
Most women don’t realize what is behind their sadness and unsettled feelings. It’s not comfortable to feel unsafe. Because it’s being used to further personal agenda and not to create actual power to all women, female empowerment has lost its meaning.
Allowing yourself to become ugly is allowing your freedom. The reality is that you want to become ugly to the offensive people, the men that hate women and even to the other men and women that praise offensive people.
The time is now to fight back. The alternative is to continue to live in the prison, surrounded by people that don’t see you as an equal human. As long as you are willing to go along with bad behavior and not challenge their way of being.
You cannot take away the scars, but you can deal with yourself (and the people around you) differently. You don’t have to live with anxiety depression. There is help with anxiety.
My job is to empower and support you.
There are some ways to find anxiety relief and quiet that fight or flight hormone that leaves you feeling unsettled and on edge.
Hypnosis. Since we are dealing with matters of the mind and habits, hypnosis can help set you on the path of healthy habits and give you techniques on how to stay happy.
Write it out. This is the most amazing invention ever. If you want to know what is at the deepest recesses of you, use this online app. Use it over and over and you will be amazed at what comes out. It is free and it puts you back in touch with your feelings…and your power.
Do what you love. Seriously. Stop living your life for other people. Do what makes you happy. Write out a calendar and commit to do something you love (big or small) every day. Do this for you. You deserve it.
Here are men and women discussing women in power. This video gives an interesting look at perceptions:
I specialize in panic attack relief, depression and mood-related issues. I work to calm your stressors.
If you live in the LA area, I have appointments available in my professional Tarzana office.
Don’t live near me? Or simply don’t want to leave your home? No problem since I also work via Skype. Contact me for more information.